It's been a long time since I became part of this world again. I have been so busy like a slave these past few days, But, believe it or not it has not been that way from the start. Neither have I imagined that I would be feeling this way ever.
I was gone because I finally found work, and believe me I loved it. I was teaching even without a licence and it felt great. I thought that the distance was manageable, in short I thought it was heaven. And why not? I feel like I would never escape teaching (not that i'm complaining, of course) and I feel like having it for my first job is very fortunate for me. Until, I felt like hell after a few weeks.
You see, i'm not just teaching kids but, kids who are slow learners. I have no problems with that but the distance that I used to like? I'm starting to curse it everyday I go to work. I found it really hard to commute to school because I feel like I was a boxer who had a match the night before everyday. And at night I couldn't eat dinner anymore because I have to sleep as soon as I can, in order for me to survive the 3 hour commute to work the next day. Sometimes, the only good thing about it is that my students, no matter how slow they are, they take away any exhaustion I feel as the day progresses.
And so, I went to my superior to talk about leaving as soon as I can. I breathed a sigh of relief because she said that she completely understood how I felt. But, when I felt that I cannot go on until the end of the month I went to talk to her again.That was the time I came to hate the job, I felt like I was just forcing myself to do what I love. She told me she won't allow me to leave by the end of the month. It was so weird, she kept on telling me that she totally understood how I was feeling, but I know that her understanding of the situation had no depth. The next thing I know, I was called unprofessional and unfair.
Yeah, maybe she was right about something but her decision was too motherly. She should have thought in the first place that employees who come to work cursing how they hate their jobs, won't be able to perform well. And now I can't help but wonder, how did I come to hate something that I used to love?
By the time I leave that place, i'm not sure if i'm gonna miss it. Maybe, I hated it for a long time now that I won't even bother looking back on how it used to make me excited. Either ways i'll let you know.
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